oh man guys I’ve reached a turning point with this cold and my ears have popped but they popped in the nicest way possible. It was like the POP! was cuddled instantly by pillows and calmed to sleep by harp playing unicorns or something. So lovely. Everything’s coming up Adzy rn
A supervisor who’s probably definitely in my mind a young lady who wants to piece of my sweet arse asked if I liked it up the “chocolate escalator” yesterday. So I spent the next hour or so pondering if she meant I’m either a gay or if I liked to traverse up stuff made of chocolate, or that she wanted to incorporate bumplay in our inevitable act of awkward love making when it doesn’t happen.
Today at work I had to help some old couple in the lift and obviously I complied to help because I swear to god I was in god-tier ushering mode and I felt rad as dicks today. Anyway so we head to the lift and the guy positions his wheelchair-bound wife against the door so we had to squeeze up on the side next to her, not a big deal, it’s cool. The guy does it and he’s in nicely, and I go to do it and END UP WITH MY CROTCH JUST RIGHT UP IN HER FACE THE ENTIRE TIME. It was pretty bad, there wasn’t any rubbing involved but she was definitely in the uncomfortable ballpark ya know? I tried to make it seem alright by going “Oh so you guys are seeing Philomena?” but I know all the poor woman could see was junk
You know when you feel completely alone and wonder if you could ever be strong enough to risk being in another relationship and then the girl you kinda definitely fancy walks in with the guy who you think is cool and want to get along with but can’t because right now you’re unsure if they’re just friends or lovers so you feel all kinds of jealously/anger/sadness towards him because he’s the man in the pairing you want to be with so badly? Ye.
Had to ring up and purchase some driving lessons on my mum’s behalf because her throat’s fucked and the guy was asking me what I wanted written on the card and after saying some generic stuff he goes “did you want a couple kisses on there?” and I said “whoah lets keep things slow please” and the rest of the phonecall was prty awkward after that
I’ve apparently gone and punched my throat in all night again and have woken up sounding like mr blobby. I have to work later and will have to converse with strangers for six hours while trying to tell them I’ve just experienced puberty again
I’ve been meaning to start making small talk with the guys in the corner shop and I thought I had the perfect thing to say today as I’m dressed in all black and the guy handed me a black bag so I wanted to say “ah, a bag in black for a guy in black” but ended up saying “ah, a black bag for a black guy”
Pretty sure I woke up after punching my throat all night in my sleep and sneezed my sternum into pieces so I’m listening to Iggy Pop’s Lust For Life in every hope of achieving the dream of contributing something other than mucus to the world today.