This shift is making me want to harm the world. A bunch of underaged kids came to my till wanting to see The Purge but their collective fountain of youth glow blinded me so bad I said no. Then the lead girl was like “call my Dad he will tell you i’m 15” so I said “okay. But then I’ll call my Dad and he’ll agree with me that you’re not”. Then immediately after a group of LADS came up to me and of course their JOKERLAD had to be all “alright Adam how you doing m8” in his quirky tone so I walked away from them.
I drunk a bottle of cherry coke and ate a large Texas BBQ/American Hot half and half, wedges and three rennies before falling asleep yesterday and today IBS has turned me into the most glorious toilet waterfall ever. The worst part was still being able to smell of the jalapenos.
Lightning hit the cinema today! It was awesome. The storm lasted like 10/15 minutes with ridiculously heavy rain and then there was this monumental crashing noise followed by rumbling. It made all the screens and lights go off, and made the big metal doors behind me shut on their own which scared the dick off of me and we all had to run to the screens to let everybody know it was just lightning. It was well good.
Laura gave me her mum’s number thinking I wouldn’t text her but actually Karen is a lovely woman and I’m glad I did. She called me a “hottie” and has invited me round for lasagne one night, it’s wonderful.
The Investigation finally came to an end today. Weeks ago I was filmed sitting down in a screen and somebody at work who received it on Snapchat snitched and showed the big boss man. I received a one-to-one for gross misconduct and having a phone on shift, which then expanded into an investigation when I revealed that both my arms were in shot, and FOLDED. But today after many weeks of not caring and sending one or two assertive messages to the snitch telling them to leave me alone forever I was told that I am not going to be disciplined, because, in the words of the big boss man, “it’s fucking stupid”. Happy days.
Mum’s bought chicken wings and ribs for dinner tonight and I am weary. The last two times I’ve had ribs I’ve ended up throwing up, and I don’t know if that’s because unfortunately consistent food poisoning but I really would like to keep delicious ribs inside my tummy for once tonight.
Just got home from the pub crawl which became two pubs and then The Pink Toothbrush and it was dope. I’ve just made myself some tea and a bacon sandwich and soon I’m going to wonder how long it’ll be until I hate myself for not going to sleep
I’m going to a pub crawl today! I’m slightly terrified as I’ve not crawled before but I’ve got the next two days off so I figured why not drink and drink and drink and drink until either one of my ends begins to spew
I’m not looking forward to tonight’s storm as last night I was so drunk and was woken up by a monstrous roar of thunder and was so terrified I burst into tears when my cat Meg jumped up on my bed because I thought she was a bolt of lightning
I’ve been deprived of any female companionship or even any human contact so much lately that the slightest thing brings the most appreciative side out of me. Getting 2 notes or something for a post of mine on here gives me a sense of accomplishment, and last week I received a glowing monthly review of my performance at work from a girl supervisor and I felt like I’d basically reached second base with her.
Had a wonderful moment of unconsciousness as I walked out the shower forgetting to wrap a towel around me, so I strolled out of there naked without a care in the world while my uncle and sister were upstairs too. I warped back into reality immediately but continued to stride into my bedroom like the alphamale I am.
I had to clean up sick at work yesterday. I literally just clocked in and had to go clean a studio and as I headed up the stairs I hear a lady colleague talking on the radio about “it smelling so bad and it’s everywhere!" so I treaded wearily. As I reached the top of the stairs I noticed that the bin usually situated just prior to the studios was missing, and suddenly I began to panic that perhaps the lady colleague had found a dead body and stuffed it in the bin but quickly dispelled it as I found the bin hanging out outside the doors of Studio E.
But the lid was off and there was a very perturbed smell lingering around it. Like someone or something had disgruntled somebody at the worst possible time as they were turtling and running to the bathroom. There was sick all over the place. It was disgusting. This person had throw up just outside Studio E and instead of coming to tell somebody they had decided to move the aforementioned bin and PLACE IT AND IT’S LID ON THE TOP OF IT. I was the only man working on ushering who wasn’t new so I stepped up and had to clean it. It was grim. The bin was stuck to the sick by this point due to the humidity and that’s a noise I’m never going to remove from my head ever. I had to lie down for a bit afterwards.
This guy at work handed in his notice and quit at the same time and today he made a status about how he received a letter about being banned from the cinema for a year hahaha. He’s been playing the victim but a notice is meant to be two weeks in advance and not two MINUTES in advance so it’s giving me so much joy calling him out on his shit.
The cinema hired a bunch of new new new NEW bies this week and yesterday I got to be a leader and teach them the art of tearing tickets. I taught three of the little rascals, one girl who was really nice and lovely and liked QOTSA and THE HIVES and I think I fell in love a little, and then another girl who watches Parks and Recreation and then some guy who made me twinge at the helm with his handsomeness. Tomorrow we have LEGIT fire training which means we all have to come in at 9am to be told how to walk out of a fire door and I’m really hoping I get to be chosen as a leader again; I want it to be like I’m a big daddy bear teaching his young cubs how to feed, except I’ll be teaching them how to lead children from imaginary flames.
Hey so the brony at work is a big misogynist! We were in the cab home and he was talking about how he would “assert his dominance” because he’s the man and should be the dominant man. Personal highlights were his kissing technique “so like, I’m tilting my head and it’s…
Shit I made up? Oh my. Get those hooves out of your ears and realise you are being silly sir.
After a little scuffle the moth landed in my hands and I managed to transport him back outside like a fleshy bus. Little fella’s been perched on my window the entire time though, just looking in at me. I’ve formed a serious connection with The Moth I think. Is this a metaphor I’m not observing properly right now? I don’t know.
I haven’t mentioned Laura on here in a little while, but things are still going good. She seems in a much happier frame of mind these days, which is wonderful, and while we’re not together we’re not going around hunting for other potential partners which is good. Going to Southend for the day was the best day ever; the fact that Laura wanted to go was a big step for her and for us as a slowly-forming-couple and it was such a good day. Getting to hang out with her and kiss her was well good. We both still like eachother so while it has been a slow process it’s still heading towards something. Laura’s got Uni soon but she’s staying here (thank god) and 2014 has been my first year as a single guy since 2010 so I’ve been enjoying having a social life for once, and I’ve still got Reading Festival to look forward to. So yeah, it’s been slow but it’s gonna be worth it. I’ve been reading David Nicholls’ One Day which is about two people who fall in love when they’re 20 but don’t get together and live their lives separately before finally getting together when they’re 36, and while I would prefer to not spend the next fifteen years in this blissful limbo, it’s still pretty good. Plus, we have an ongoing joke about how we’re gonna get married and have a kid by the time we’re 26 so I guess I’ve only really got five years to wait.
At work today I had to help this lady and her daughter out by taking them and their food up the lift to Screen 12. They’re regulars so I’ve had to help them a few times, enough for the lady to call me “hunny” and “sweet babe” at least. Anyway so we get to the top of screen 12 and they sit in their…
I saw this lady again today but there was no mention of dildos inside her this time.
Hey so the brony at work is a big misogynist! We were in the cab home and he was talking about how he would “assert his dominance” because he’s the man and should be the dominant man. Personal highlights were his kissing technique “so like, I’m tilting my head and it’s like ‘I’ve titled my head this way, so you’ve gotta tilt it the other way’” and also how he would keep his partners on a not-too-long leash with “it wouldn’t be like ‘you have to obey me’ but more like ‘you have to ask me for permission’” hahaha. Lovely.
Oh dear god I’m sunburnt in the weirdest places. Yesterday I spent all day out in the sun with friends playing football and eating possibly undercooked BBQ food and today my forehead, ears, backs of my arms and legs, and just the left side of my torso are letting me know how much of an idiot I am. It was a really good day, and now I have the raw limbs to remember it by.